Friday, June 1, 2007

Inferzilla

"Do not turn and run, for there is nowhere worthwhile for you to go. Do not attempt to push ahead into the danger ... emulate the example of the water: Pause and build up your strength until the obstacle no longer represents a blockage." Marsha Sinetar

Is this what I'm doing at the moment? Pausing to build up my strength? Maybe it's what I've been doing the past 7 years.

Infertility is a monstrous blockage.

It overshadows everything in my life. It punched me in the face and knocked me out breathless. I listened to the count going up to ten, heard the gong, and the silence around me is more difficult to bear than the roar of any crowd in triumph for the winner.

I've been lying and waiting silently for too long now. My strength to fight against this cold, heartless monster has dribbled away into a kind of quiet submission.

Will I ever possess enough strength to let my life just flow around this obstacle in my path?

5 comments:

Pamela Jeanne said...

It is a monster. Great images here! And I'd do just about anything to locate the right weapons to beat it. In the meantime, I'm standing there right beside you digging deep for the strength...

Aunt Sassy said...

You write beautifully. And yes, I do believe that you will have the strength. You said he has knocked you down... but he hasn't knocked you out. Hang in there...

lady macleod said...

You are breaking my heart here. I do think you can do it you know. If you can get it all down like this, get it all out, I think you will be able to get on. I don't think you should be on yourself about it, you know = no time schedule.

pluto said...

Hey KarenO, I read this the day you put it up and a couple of times since. And I'm thinking of you while you're going through this terrible time.

KarenO said...

Thanks for your comments and support you all, it warms my heart :) I'm doing OK, keeping busy, thinking a lot and staring wide-eyed to all that is happening around me concerning the strike we're dealing with at the moment in South Africa. Will tell you more about it later this week, but in the meantime you can find information on it here: www.news24.com

Thanks for your encouragement and support - wish you all lived closer so we could have a nice chat in front of my fireplace tonight! (For those of you in the middle of summer, remember its winter down here in the southern hemisphere!)