Sunday, May 27, 2007

Like swimming in molasses

Silly topic, I know. But when I thought about what to call this post, the first thought I had was the movie "Like water for chocolate". Don't ask me why, I can't explain.

My lack of posts lately can be explained though. No use trying to find colorful words to describe the depression that pulled me under. It's there, I'm under, and the molasses isn't sweet. It's tasteless but thick, cold, sticky and black as night.

I tried getting myself out in all kinds of ways that worked in the past. It doesn't work this time and I know I'll have to go visit the GP. But as it goes with the Big D, its hard work getting up in the morning, even more difficult to pick up the phone and getting myself and appointment. I'll get there, promise. I don't really have a choice. Things are getting worse and I don't like the dead feeling that grows inside me. I'm still somewhat OK and able to act OK, but my reserves are running dangerously low. Wanting to do the hermit thing seems the easiest lately, and it's NOT good.

Maybe it's more like just floating and not swimming...

On an ironic & synic note: the page I linked to molasses in the paragraph above contains the following paragraph: "A famous incident involving molasses was the Boston Molasses Disaster on 1919, in which a large molasses storage tank burst and flooded a neighborhood of Boston, killing 21 and injuring 150."

5 comments:

pluto said...

I'm sorry you're feeling depressed.

Glad you can summon your resources to write a post, and make contact with the outside world.

(That molasses disaster is absolutely weird. I followed your link to wikipedia but couldn't quite believe what I read there. I followed their link to the Boston Globe, and finally I'm convinced -- it happened.)

Pamela Jeanne said...

Dear Karen,
I can so relate to your state of mind having moved in and out of the Big D for years. It always seems so easy to slide into and so difficult to climb out of, but you're smart to recognize where your reserves stand. Best to address it now. Talk it out, write it out and seek out those little things that bring you pleasure. I find that the act of planning a trip or putting a date on the calendar that I can focus on helps me to get my head out of the present and past and onto the future. Easy to say, I know, but I've been there. Just knowing that there are women out there who can fully understand my loss helps me know that I'm far from alone and neither are you...

lady macleod said...

I think Pamela jeanne said it best, but I want you to know I am here as well. I too think the fact you can write about it is a step up and out. Perhaps a walk? Just a short one. Stay in touch, we are here.

Summer said...

I've been through depression myself, so I know a little bit about what you are going through.

Just wanted to let you know I'm here and thinking about you.

deanna said...

Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts.....hoping for you this darkness lifts soon....