Monday, June 18, 2007

Checkers anyone?

No school today, so I'm blog-hopping and doing my part in the Commentathon. I came across My Reality's post about "Everything is changing", and suddenly saw myself in a whole different way.

She said: "I want to know when my everything will change. I want to know when I can move forward with my life plans. I don't want everything else to change and leave me behind."

I'm somewhat ashamed to say that I've stopped wondering about when MY everything will change. It shocked me when I realized that. Am I getting complacent with my situation or is this how it feels to be coming to terms with the hand life has dealt me? I'd rather believe the latter please!

There was a time when I ran like crazy to try and catch up. I fell flat on my face most of the time, but I got up and ran again. I didn't want to stay behind but I got tired of the chase. The gap between me and the people in front of me grew bigger and bigger.

So I stopped.

I stopped running, TTC, trying to win my husband back, trying to tell myself I will fall in love again and that things will get better soon.

Now I'm just sitting at the side of the road watching the rest of the world go by: I've stopped running because I won't ever catch up.


Don't get me wrong here: I haven't given up on life. I've stopped running the race of trying to live the "normal life" I've dreamed about: the life of being married and having babies that grow up into children and then into adults that would in turn give me grandbabies.

It's time to find something different to do: running is NOT for me.

Anyone for a game of checkers?


Caro said...

Go on then, you set up the board and I'll bring the snacks. (I always wonder about my lurkers, thanks for "coming out").

Leah said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and the supportive comments. After reading your post today, I have hope that I will come through this intact someday.

Count me in for checkers!

Anonymous said...

Ummmm. I'm in if can be Chinese Checkers (I am much better at it!). It seems that half the battle in life is learning to listen to our souls... knowing when to "run" and when to stop "running" with any given problem. I am hoping that in your decision to stop running (and to start playing board games:)), you will find peace.

lady macleod said...

You never know who you might meet across that board, so you keep playing kiddo.

Drowned Girl said...

Hi! hanks for your comment on my blog.

I hope you can find peace and contentment


Anonymous said...

Sure I'll play checkers. I have done way too much running and have just decided to stop.

Sorry to hear about your marriage...IF is sooo damn hard.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Like you I think the big challenge is figuring out how to recognize what is just plain and simply a futile effort to try to capture the ethereal -- that which was taken away ... versus what's a productive way to apply our energies in a new and different way. When the checker board is available, I'm ready to try my hand.

Anonymous said...

Sure! I will play checkers!

Sunny said...

Well my time in Tampa won't be all fun and sun. I will be taking care of a baby with family. HA! But it is a break from the norm.

YUCK to cold but we each get our time in the sun right!

Thanks for stopping by!!!

HUGS to stopping the rat race.

Anonymous said...

Oh girrrrlllll... you THINK you would kick my ass at Chinese Checkers (*snap, snap, snap*). Just keep dreaming! (Am I really talking smack transatlantically about Chinese Checkers? hahahaha!)