Monday, June 11, 2007

Dear Fairy Godmother, I have a request!

Commenting on a recent post of mine, Pamela Jeanne asked me: “With all you've been through, what are the most important traits for you in a mate?”

At first I thought it a difficult question. Why? Because I wouldn’t want to limit my choices OR your understanding of what kind of man I would like to fall in love with some day. But by limiting my choices I make it so much easier to find him. It might take a bit longer, but it’s so worth it in the end!

I fell in love with J when I was 20 years old. Being 3 months my junior, he was still 19 at the time. Looking back it was a head-over-heels thing that changed into something we both took for granted as the years went by. Getting used to each other so much so that we couldn’t imagine a world without the other person. We got married the year we turned 25 just because it was the next natural step, NOT because we were still in love. We never worked hard on our communication skills. We actually never discussed anything deeper than why he was unhappy about everything that went wrong on the golf course that particular day.

That’s the first and most important trait in a future mate and relationship: we simply HAVE to be able to communicate in a very special, deeply intimate and open way. I believe that if you’re able to discuss intensely personal subjects with your partner, there wouldn’t be much time and place left for misunderstandings and drifting apart.

My favorite writer of all times, Anaïs Nin helped me out with two of her quotes:

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be subtly submissive. I don’t mind standing on my own feet, I do not want to cling, I want to be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, loved and possessed."

The second quote is basically the same as her original one, but I modified it a bit to fit in with what I want.

But then! One other very important thing: (she said tongue-in-cheek-trying-to-look-very-serious) my man simply has to be taller than me. I don’t ever want to let go of this dream I had since forever: standing on tip-toes to kiss my man goodnight. That eliminates about half the men on earth (Sorry Tom Cruise – you’re one of them!) because at 1.74m (5’8”) I’m falling into the group of women that are seen as taller than average.

One other thingy: he must preferably not have the looks of Georgeous Mr. Clooney. Sharing is a very honourable trait, but I don’t like sharing my toys! *grin*

I’d rather be alone for another 7 years than to settle for less than what is important to me, just because I want to share my life with someone. The price you pay is just too high to be worth it.

And until that special man comes along, I’ll be living and loving and sailing the seven seas! (OK, make that dreaming of sailing the seven seas - its just not possible on a teacher's salary!)


Gunfighter said...

Goededag, Karen!

Hoe gaan dit?

Thanks for visiting my blog today... how did you find me?



PS: Did you see the 'Boks play Samoa at the weekend?

KarenO said...

Goeie dag GF! Dit gaan baie goed dankie :) I found your blog from the Mybloglog on Lady MaCleod's blog. And yes I saw the Boks play Samoa, but I prefer watching the Bulls play. Rugby for me = Go Bulls!

Gunfighter said...

Have you ever been out to Loftus Versfeld to see the Bulle play?

KarenO said...

Oooooooooooh YES! And I live just around the corner from Loftus. I'm there almost every game, and have the wonderful opportunity of enjoying the game from one of the boxes in the main stand. The atmosphere there during any game is absolutely amazing! I know a few guys on the management team personally and now and then I pluck up enough courage to use my locker room pass for after a game. I'm a very lucky Bulls supporter indeed!

pluto said...

Gosh! This is really original, and rivetting to read.

(I could identify with your story when you said that you and J got so used to being together that you couldn't imagine life apart -- even though you'd ceased to communicate intimately. (Not from my present relationship but from a previous long one.)

lady macleod said...

Excellent. Well done. Do not settle. Why would you do that? I don't think it is a shame really that you have eliminated Cruise eh?

You keep on being your wonderful productive self and some lucky chap will come along and realize how unique you are.

Karen said...

Pluto and Lady MaCleod... thanks for your comments! You are good for my self-image! :D

BestLight said...

OMG, I'm so glad dark chocolate has brought us together :).

I'm a teacher, too, have taught internationally (are you from SA or an expat?), and am a 175 cm-er who could never date Tom Cruise. I'm SO enjoying your quotes and musings. Adding you to my blogroll and Google Reader.

My mom framed this quote for me when I was deciding not to settle (yet still struggling):

"I will not sacrifice what I want most for what I want now."

Wish I could tell you who said it.

Gotta keep reading your blog...