Facts & Feelings

I wanted to wait before I wrote about my feelings concerning the outcome of the test, mainly because I thought I'd be more clear about them. Not so.

This is what I know:

1. Having the mutation just means I have an much bigger chance of contracting breast and ovarian cancer.
   
2. It's just a pre-disposition to cancer, not the Big C itself.
   
3. Without the BRCA2 mutation I have a 7% of getting breast cancer somewhere in my lifetime. With it, about 80%.
4. Without the BRCA2 mutation my chances of getting ovarian cancer is about 1,4%. With it, 50%.
5. Women who never have had children may be at greater risk for breast and ovarian cancer.
6. There are numerous prophylactic options available.
7. I do not have to decide right away what I should do.

This is how I'm supposed to be feeling:

1. Happy to know about the mutation: now I can be extra careful.
2. Thinking of knowing about it as something that empowers me.
   
3. Concentrating on living here and now, making the most of every day.

I'm worried about:

1. My medical scheme. It's not going to pay for the MRI the oncologist wants me to get without avail. Nor does it have adequate oncology coverage. An upgrade is needed ASAP.
2. If I do upgrade, and they ask me any new questions, I'll have to answer truthfully about the mutation, and then they might not allow my upgrade.
3. I can only upgrade in about a month's time, and it will only start January 2008.
4. So many more things are going through my mind, but I'm way too scared to write them down.
   

This is how I actually feel:

1. Watch this space, the jury is still out on this one.

All in all I'm doing ok. A really good cry is long overdue, but I find all kinds of excuses not to go there. So until I am brave enough to allow my tears to flow, I'll keep super-busy.

You know what amazes me? The strength I find in myself. I knew it was there: Infertility was a hard task master, but where I thought it would only have limited resources, it's like the widow's oil well. So far at least! But that is a whole different post altogether.

We're still waiting for my mom's results. She's doing OK under the circumstances. Positive and upbeat despite the pain and tiredness. Will let you know what happens as soon as we hear anything.

You all are super wonderful - your comments bring tears to my eyes, your love and encouragement makes me feel warm and cared for. I know I've said it a few times already, but you don't cease to amaze me with your non-stop support. Thanks again!