Friday, December 14, 2007

Once upon a time (Take 2)

I think I found the starting block. The one where I need to start being kind to myself so I could get good at it, go into the doing-it-subconsciously-mode so I can get down to concentrating on other people and not myself.

Funny enough (or not surprising at all?) it's connected with the scrapbooking thing. My heartfelt thanks to all of you who commented on that post of mine. Most of the things you said I knew already, but I wanted to throw myself a small pity party about not ever getting the chance to scrap pages of my baby (not to mention the plural!). Now that THAT's out of the way, let's get to the rest of it.

My photo box (freshly organized thanks to various visits to my local scrapbooking shop - just pretend you didn't see that if you're reading this Mr. Bank Manager!) Going through the various categories during the past week or so, I kept avoiding my own baby pictures for some insane very obvious reasons. My sister Wilma came around for coffee the other day, and since we're partners in crime with this latest hobby, she enquired about all the pages I scrapped the past week since I've been on holiday.

When I uhmed and ah'ed she said nothing, just had that look on her face that said: "Tell me about what's bothering you really." And so I did. Ms. Crybaby came out instantly. (Maybe if I stopped drinking so much water - do you think that would help keep the tears at bay?) The words and excuses didn't make much sense at first, but she let me cry and babble for a few minutes.

What she said then made so much sense, why I didn't think of it first is a mystery. She said: " Sis, no matter what happened in your past, you have a story to tell. What's more important is not that you won't be telling it to your children, but it's important that you TELL your story. It's yours. Just tell it."

So that's what I did. I picked one of my baby pictures and scrapped it. It was a bit small for a 12 x 12 page, so I went for the 8 x 8 size. Here is the result:


For a bigger image, click *here*. I struggled a bit with the correct lighting - but you get the idea. The journaling is as follows: "Krulletjies, Kuiltjies & Kleintyd se Kiekies." So why did I write it in Afrikaans when I knew most of you wouldn't understand at all? Because all the k's are part of a letter play on my name. Translated it means: "Krulletjies (curls), Kuiltjies (dimples) & Kleintyd (childhood times) se Kiekies (photos)."

Yes it was therapeutic, and yes I cried a few times. The important part is that I started. I'm not skipping over my own pictures anymore. Looking at them is still painful, but by looking at who I was, how I changed from a little baby into who I am today, makes me realize I'm someone special. And the world didn't fall in on my head just because I actually typed it.

The lesson I learned this week, thanks to Wilma's advice, is that I need to tell my story even though some of the chapters I wanted to have in my book won't be there. It will make it different, and it will be beautiful, because it is MINE.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who had no idea whatsoever about all the real life monsters out there. She also had no idea how beautiful life could be, but she was about to find out exactly how absolutely breathtaking it is!


12 comments:

Lori said...

"Once upon a time there was a little girl who had no idea whatsoever about all the real life monsters out there. She also had no idea how beautiful life could be, but she was about to find out exactly how absolutely breathtaking it is!"

There are no more profound words.

And you are so Kute!!

Wilma said...

Ek is soooo lief vir jou sussie! Wens ek kan daar by jou wees vanaand en sommer saam tjank so tussen die scrap en rooiwyn deur...

Dianne/Flutter said...

I love the page! Good for you for moving past your grief.

Geohde said...

That's a gorgeous page you've made,

J

loribeth said...

Oh, your sister is so right!! Just because we don't have children doesn't mean our own story isn't worth documenting, if only for our own pleasure. And your page is beautiful!!

Bea said...

Some good advice from your sister. Unfortunately, it's hard to see value in a life which doesn't include parenting when society continually pushes the message that *that's* what makes life worthwhile. Parents have a big stake in convincing themselves of this, and have to say it often. I think your story is worthwhile, too.

Bea

A said...

What a beautiful page!

Deathstar said...

I'm glad you did your scrapbooking and shared that adorable picture with us. You deserve to be happy, you were here and you matter. If it's any consolation to you, I have an inordinate amount of pictures of my dog.

Summer said...

That's a wonderful start to your book!

sariel & shlomit said...

love, love, LOVE this!!!!!
thank you for posting...always!
also, being that i am of dutch heritage, i loved seeing the afrikaans...i also have a sister, Wilma, who was very empathetic this week...you see, more than IF connects us!

be well...
peace
shlomit

Pamela Jeanne said...

What a cutie pie. Loved the peek into your past. Remember you're still the little girl pictured here with the same vulnerabilities so don't be too hard on yourself when you feel the weight of the world coming down on you.

Kami said...

Wow. I love this post and especially the last paragraph. Good for you!