Acceptance & Change

Those of you following my blog the past few months will know about my decision to change my mind map. I strongly believe that positive thoughts makes us stronger in the end, and that it is absolutely essential that we do not let go of Hope, no matter how beaten and crushed we are by our struggles.

No matter how hard I try to be positive and upbeat and strong, some days it's just so much more difficult to keep the smile on my face and in my heart. So many times I've felt guilty about feeling it, thinking it, and eventually saying that I'm really sad. I came to the conclusion that it's not wrong to feel, think or talk about being sad. If you ignore it there will come a day when it jumps up and bites you in the a... uhm where you least expect it!

And yes, wallowing in sadness for a while is OK too, but it's when you're making it a habit that the red lights should start flickering like a crazy mono-colored 70's disco.

When he was a young boy, a certain Dr. Post's mother would say to him: "Well, Stevie, why don't you go out and help somebody." It always worked - he felt better after doing something for someone. (Read more about it here) That's what I'd like to do too, but I'm working towards it.

Why do I have to work towards it? Am I so wrapped up in myself that I can't do a simple random act of kindness? That bothered me too, but then I realized something important: I cannot give of myself to others as much and as freely as I want if I don't have the necessary direction in my life. Other people might be able to, I need to get my life in order so I'd be able to give more than just random acts.

And just as it happened so often in the past when I'm looking for a certain answer, there was this email in my inbox. Now I know that sounds just a little bit wacky, but bear with me and read this:

Making life our own

“Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.” Stephen Vincent Benet

What’s needed for a new relationship with time and life?

• Intention -- Get really clear about what you want.
• Desire -- How much do you want something new for yourself? Know your motivation. Desire brings the energy for change.
• Belief and/or willingness to trust you can have what you want. If belief is lacking, can you believe in the possibility that you can find a new way of living?
• Perseverance, discipline -- It takes time and effort to change attitudes and habits. We can’t expect a new life overnight.
• Acceptance, both of what’s happening now and of who we are. Until we honestly and openly accept our present situation, we cannot change it.
• A willingness to try something new.

“It is so easy to waste our lives: our days, our hours, our minutes. ... It is so easy to exist instead of live. Unless you know there is a clock ticking. So many of us changed our lives when we heard a biological clock and decided to have kids. But that sound is a murmur compared to the tolling of mortality.” Anna Quindlen

(From this site)

This statement made me stop in my tracks: Until we honestly and openly accept our present situation, we cannot change it.

Isn't that just too painfully true? I don't want to stay in this stage of my life forever. But before I can make the changes I want, I have to acknowledge the situation I want to change, and it's not as easy as it sounds...