As time goes by...

I haven't blogged in years. Not days or weeks or months, years. I'm at a wonderful place in my life: happy, content, full of joy. If you happen to land here from somewhere else, don't expect new blog posts every few days, or weeks or even months. I've written my heart out about living without children. You see, the hurt is not there anymore.

I'm OK. Really, really OK.

And if you decide to read the previous posts in any case, please handle it with care. Those posts contain big parts of my soul. If we're strangers, I'm glad that our paths crossed, and I hope you found what you were looking for. If we know each other, please tread even more carefully than if I were just another blogger in cyberspace.

If you're on a journey of self-discovery due to infertility: hang in there. Whether you're destined for children or not, life does get better! But be warned as well: if you don't take an active part in seeking the joy in every single thing that happens to you, life will just be one more dreary day after another.

Be joyful! :D

WOW!

I haven't checked into my gmail account for quite some time, and this morning I found this email waiting for me:

Dear Karen,

Congratulations! Sarah here, and your blog, Upon Awakening, was determined

to be one of the best blogs to exude overall brilliance. And so, it has

received our 2010 Top 40 Infertility Blogs award presented by Medical

Billing and Coding!

Thanks Sarah & Medical Billing and Coding - I appreciate the fact that you think my blog is special enough to receive an award from you. If it can touch just one heart out there and make her/him feel better, even just for a few moments, it was worth writing down every emotion and heartache.

Medical Billing

It has been a real long time since I last blogged, mainly because I don't feel the need to write about my feelings and experiences around Infertility any more. Saying that, it doesn't mean that I'm OK with Infertility changing my dreams, and that I'm past everything that happened. You just wake up one morning and the words that has been jumbling around in your mind are quiet...

Aha!

I never should've gone to kindergarten... it jinxed everything!

Back to square one?

I honestly thought I was OK with being infertile, and everything that it entails. So OK that I stopped blogging. Carrying on writing about it felt like scratching the scab off a healing wound every time.

I'm not OK.

The past year a lot of things happened in my life that made me stop and think. How on earth I'm I going to deal with this vacuum in my life? I really, REALLY thought I had it pinned. It helped to write about it in the past, so I'll start again.

I missed blogging. I missed the contact and feedback from people in the same situation. No promises about lots of blogging or interesting writing - I'm just going to take each day as it comes. If you happen to discover I've started blogging again: "Hello my friend, good to see you again! I hope life has been treating you well since we last talked..."

The Miracle we prayed for!

The past few days have been hectic with our 2nd school term starting and the project I'm working on in the final days before it has to be handed in, but I just want to take the time and tell you the most wonderful news.

My mom had her latest scans on Thursday afternoon, and there is not a sign of cancer anywhere in her body! Isn't that totally out of this world? God is absolutely awesome.

I don't think it has hit me yet, we've been much calmer about the news than I ever expected. It doesn't lessen the feeling of relief though, I just think it's going to take some time for the truth to settle in and shake us up with joy!

Her previous scans, early in February, showed the tumors were much smaller than when they were first noticed, but there were some troubling marks on the bones of her skull. The doctor did extra tests and told her that he suspects it arthritis. That might be what is keeping us back from going on all out of our skins because of the news. I know it sounds skeptical, but I don't trust it all that much. She also has one more chemo on Tuesday, and then regular check-ups during the next few months. Will keep you updated!

Thanks SO much for all your comments on my previous post, I haven't had time to sit still at the pc to visit all your blogs, but this week it should go easier to have some "me" time. :)

UPDATE - 27/10/2010:

So many things has happened since I wrote this post. The short version is that both my mom and dad have passed away since then. My dad died 5 months after his lung cancer was diagnosed - on Easter Sunday morning, 12 April 2009. My mom passed away during the night of Easter Sunday the following year, 51 weeks after my dad. I miss them something terribly, but their legacy lives on.